Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Take a Chance (or at the very least think about it)

by Tracey Flower

November was a weird month (and the first half of December too). An off month. A lost month. I didn’t write, not here and not enough, at least not for my own self. I did plenty of writing for the Vail Symposium’s winter brochure, which I absolutely loved doing, and to be honest I can’t go blaming my lack of posting on that. There’s really not much to blame it on, it was just a weird month and I just didn’t write.

But I’m back now and that’s what counts, right?

As I write this and look back at November, while safely tucked away into December, I shake my head at that month, and at myself in that month. I worried a lot in November. I worried about work and not having enough of it. I scraped the bottom of the barrel financially and ran on fumes. I worried about that. I fretted over my weight and over my complexion. I worried about finding a place to live as the December 1st expiration date on my summer residence approached. Once my roommate and I found a fabulous new place to live (that makes numbers 10 and 11 if you’re keeping track) I worried about how I was ever going to afford it.

Whew. That’s a lot of worry.

I don’t think I really realized how much of it I was carrying around, however, until I got a phone call the other day regarding a part time job prospect. See I’ve realized the only way I’m going to pull myself up from my financial rock bottom, the only way I’m going to afford my fabulous new place is by obtaining extra employment. But I’ve been worried extra employment won’t leave me enough time to balance all the things I love in my life.

Lately, worry has been showing up everywhere.

In that phone call I was presented with an opportunity for part time work that I can do in my own time, something I can balance with everything else I care about. I hung up the phone and felt unbelievably light. I felt dizzy with relief and it wasn’t until that moment that I realized just how much of a burden I had put on myself with all that worry.

As I was reveling in my relief, and shaking my head at myself for being so so silly, the guy came to clean the beer lines—I should mention here that I was at work, at my full time job bartending on Vail Mountain. Now, I should know this guy’s name by now, I’ve known him for years and he comes several times a season to clean and rinse the beer lines, but I’m terrible with names and that’s that.

We chatted about summer, about how it was and wasn’t, and how it’s always too short around here. He asked where I worked this summer, which prompted what has become a regular monologue on how discouraged I have become with the employment opportunities in the Valley, how I need something consistent for summers, or better yet, a year-round job. How I’ve thought about moving to Boulder in a year or two, but that I love living up here and if I did make that move, at least in the next couple years, it would likely be career-oriented. I babbled on and on, stopping when I realized I had gone from sharing to complaining.

The Beer Line Guy then told me that 10 years ago he had been in my shoes, bartending in Steamboat Springs, moaning about the exact same things. Feeling stuck. So he decided to take a chance and make a change. He started his beer line cleaning business (and whatever else it is his business does, I’m not totally clear on the details) and it turned out to be a smashing success. His advice to me, take a chance.  Make a move. You know what you want so do it.

Hmmmmmm. Beer Line Guy has a point.

Then I went to a yoga class in which the instructor told me the exact same thing, take a chance. You have the power inside you. Just take. A. Chance.

I’m not quite sure what to do with this advice yet, what chance to take or where to go with my dreams. But I’m thinking about it. I’m thinking about it a lot.

So that’s where I am after all that worry and at the end of 2011. Ready to bid adieu to the sweet year that was and welcome in a new one warmly. Ready to see what comes up and what chances are mine for the taking in 2012.